26 June 2015.

My dear Nana, you made me a mother.

It’s been the most stressful,  intense, challenging but absolutely wonderful year. The days are slow, but the years are fast. In a blink of an eye, from a tiny little newborn baby to this cheeky little girl. I can’t believe how you have grown from day 1!

The very first moment when I saw you, I remember I said: “oh my god, oh my god”. I held you in my arms, you were laying on my chest. You covered with some fluids which make you look a bit greyish, and you are very fragile. You did not cry it out loud by the moment you are here, you look calm which not the same case when you were grown because you cried hysterically most of the time. Hahahahahaa.

I have to admit it is not love at first sight. It’s strange. It’s not how I imagine it would be. You seem like a stranger to be, but yet you are somebody very close to me. It’s strange. Life was so hard, it’s getting really tough. I’m new to everything; breastfeeding, taking care a baby, changing diapers, bathed a newborn, all my hormones runs up and downs. Even all the baby products overwhelmed me. There are days where I broke down, I feel that I wasn’t ready being a mother.

Days by days were gone, the strange feeling getting lesser and lesser and I started to cope with my life with you. Every day I hope I could provide you the best I can. Never in my life that someone ever made me feeling so. But for you, I’m willing to do so. And they said, you will finally understand how does it feel to be a mother when you are a mother yourself. When you are gifted with a baby, you are gifted with a super power as well. There’s nothing you can’t do for your kids. Even with all the stress and difficulties, as well as all the midnight pumping and nursing, I choose to continue to provide you mother’s milk no matter how difficult it is. I hope it’s nutritious enough to build you stronger. It’s not an easy journey, but I make it through for a year already now and might still continue on. I’ll let you wean it off on your own automatically when the time comes.

My dear, you have no idea how many sleepless nights both me and your father went through after you were born. We were frustrated, feeling fatigue, very tired at work but all these feeling was gone, when we came home after a long day at work and play with you. You grow up to be very cheeky. You enjoy people’s companion. You likes to play with elder kids/babies and enjoy laughing and smile all the time. It’s so priceless to us, no matter how tired we are, your smiles brighten up everything. You might be too young to understand how does the real world is, I hope you can continue to be as innocent and as curious as you are as a baby. And you have no idea how much joy you bring to us since the day you arrive.

Thank you for being part of our life. You change my life, you make me discover an inner part of myself that I have no idea it actually exists. You made my life so meaningful. And most importantly, you made me a mother.

Credit goes to our friend, Stephen Yap @ RS Studio for this image!

26 June 2016.

Happy 1st Birthday, oh my baby Nana.

Stay healthy and happy always. We will always love you. Forever it will be.

Love,

Your mother.